


Ghost Writer

by Crazyartdad



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bickering, Car Accident, Fighting, Foster Care, Gen, Gender fluid karkat, Inspired by Music, M/M, Past Abuse, Song fic, Trying to get better, blowjob, facial scarring, ie drinking/sleeping around, mentions of depression, mentions of self harm, sex later on in chapters, slowburn, the tags makes this sound horriable but its pretty much just agnst with a nice twist, there we go I like that tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16901259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyartdad/pseuds/Crazyartdad
Summary: God ok how do I summarize a fan fiction?Dave and Karkat grow up in a foster home together and made a promise to move to the city and make music together but then Dave fucks up Karkats face in a car accident and they dont talk for a few years. Dave later moves on and gets famous while Karkat has to go through a few things before becoming a ghost writer.Roxy now a popstar gives Karkat free reigns to make an album of his own under her voice and Dave hears about it and hes trying not to fuck things up. blah blah blah slow burnblah blah blah getting back together confessing feelingsblah blah blah angst and shit its a good story guys I promise.“ So your a ghost writer and a comedian hu?” says a heavy accent.You look at his dark dress shirt and tie undone around his neck as well as the gold watch that probably cost more than a grand on his wrist, without thinking you repeat what he said but lay on the accent thicker than normal.“Making fun of me already hu?, I came here with a good attitude but sure ill fuck off”“Oh please you should take it as a complement”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess Popstar AU? Famous AU? Idk i got alot of people written as replacement IRL famous people like Dave- Kendrick Lamar Roxy- Taylor swift and shit like that idk what I was reall doing with this but its a song fic so enjoy it its just fanfiction.

Slouching in his seat he tries to focus on the wind catching a particular tuft of hair in a whirlwind as the radio blares out “ironic boot slang-in beats”. As stupid as the country channel was it was the only clear reception that could get from this shitty car they scraped together for now “you know when we go and get big,” starting small my ass you roll your eyes as you think to yourself how your never getting out of this shit hole and neither is he.

“Dude how can you be pissed off when your smoking a joint? I swear to god your ass is the strictest uptight motherfucker an ass could be- like the stick cannot even rent out the place, how cruel Karkar- putting a single dad out on the street cause you ass isn't loose enough to call home-”

“What the ever-loving fuck are you talking about, stop talking about my ass-” he turns to Dave with a look of utmost horror. “You and your sisters are too much alike, always talking about butt stuff.”

“Rose doesn't talk about butt stuff”  
“Oh and like the tentacle stuff is innocent child's play?”  
“Ugh don't say that”  
“What tentacle  
“no, child's play-I hate that movie”  
“We watched that movie months ago!”  
“Still! I don't want to think my teddies are on some murderous rampage because i jacked my shit in front of them once”  
“I hate- I hate you, i hate everything that you vomit out of your mouth!”

Dave grins widely as he watches Karkat roll the window down more before he threw out the flicked the finished joint out. Glancing at him adjusting the belt to stop digging in his neck he dared to bring up the topic once more.

“Real talk though, what's up why you butt hurt, you mad I forgot cd’s at moms?”  
“Yeah that's it. I'm also piss that you call country anything other than what your supposed to”  
“Karkat”  
“WHat! Everything doesn't have to be a fucking puzzle Dave!”

“....is this about,uh.. What happened last weekend? Cause I mean you said you were ok after we talked about it last, was that a im not ok, ok or are you really ok”  
“ sure maybe i'm ok with just finding you upstairs with john, its cool I mean its not like were together or that we hang out and tell each other things constantly, it's not like your my friend before anything else”  
“Dude what the fuck!” He says rolling his head back with a groan before looking to him with a very put out expression, or as much as he could tell with his shades and all.  
you know he was annoyed in his voice and you understand why he would be, he was sick of hearing about this after the hundredth time and in his defense he really didn't do anything wrong. I mean you weren't together, you best friends yeah, and maybe you shared everything with each other and did everything together. But he could fuck anyone he wanted. 

 

Your hair gets tugged and you get pulled out of your trance with a chattered sorry and an obviously sloshed laugh. Looking away from your scared faced reflection you see Roxy as she stands there with a brush in her hand and her martini glass resting on the sink, you try to remember what she was talking about but yet again the chatter queen talks a mile a minute and you can't recall a single word.

“Im sorry, fuck, what?”  
“colors? Wanna match or you got your own outfit tonight?” she ask cheerfully. Oh right. Release party.

“ I mean, I have something but I can change last minute”  
“Awesome cause I totally think we should match sparkle stuff, ooO! Maybe like a pastel and navy for you and pink on me? I mean pinks good right I don't overdo it? Or maybe it's just a signature like everyone else is saying- though I totally think pink is the Peixes thing- what was it like working on the fame album with them? Like holy shit bangger! It's gooood to liiiive eeexpensive you know it but my kneeees get weeeeak-”  
“Roxy calm your dick holy shit”

She finishes your hair in the mirror pushing you away from the sink as she giggles, continuing to sing her way to the closet. You gruff to yourself and rub at your scalp, looking to the mirror once more you start to become self conscious, once again of the silvery scarred flesh across your mouth and brow. You stick your tongue out and do a few faces in the mirror laughing once roxy joins your fiassco

“ oh shut up you look hot, im sure someone will want you to go down on them. Especially after the bomb we drop tonight”  
“Speaking of the bomb, you sure that's a good idea? Not many people are liked for ghost writers”  
“Like hell I'm taking credit for your shit, believe me its better you get recognized for your talent- and hey! More potential clients!”

Taking the clothes from Roxy, the obvious better choice, you continue to argue the differences of working on one song opposed to blowing out a whole album in someone's name. Fixing out the little wrinkles and folding the cuffs she asks if you rather perform instead.  
After telling her you'd rather die you both finish up and make your way down from the penthouse to the ride that waited outside. You wished she would of told you hes coming


	2. Gorgeous...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Release date party and Karkat meets an old friend/enemy/crush  
> its homestuck you know how this is

“I Hate you, I hate your brain, I hate your goddamn trickery!”   
“Oh fucking Please, Chill out, you know he just name drops to get people to show up then not even-” She closes the front door that she was about to enter and looks over to you sheepishly.  
“...Well he is my brother, so”  
“I'm going through the side-door and i'm drinking your entire bar” he says stealing the pass  
“The entire bar?”  
“Entire”

An exaggerated sigh billows from her mouth like a beached whale but none-or-less agrees with your statement. After hugging you good-luck and threaten you to actually be up for announcement she lets you go with a parted kiss to the cheek and a slap on the ass that you take with a nasty look.

The place is loud and the energy is thriving something that you expected and expected justly, along with the added bonus of a few friendly faces you've known and worked with. something to keep you busy through the night while avoiding critical things such as the douchebag to the back left making a scene as he hugs his sister and congratulates her. Your kind of jealous, but not really. But also a lot. That's what you were gonna do, you were gonna go off and get famous together and move out to the city and live the big life, but ever since that accident you don't speak to each other, or generously for that matter. leaving you a behind the scenes guy after your face not being negotiable for..anything really. 

Red suit.

And thoes fucking shades.

You could use those drinks now.

In the hour since you've been here you’ve gathered a shield of protection, or a group of friends, same thing. Feferi hangs along at your hip with her girlfriend Nepeta in tow, your brother Kankari which Roxy generously flew out so he could hear the great news along with Roxy’s producer Callie who stopped to say hello before maneuvering the crowd once more in search of the star herself. The chattering was nice, you shared a few words with your brother and talked about the newest stuff Meenah is coming up with now that she's going solo and “getting mad paid” her words not yours. But you can't argue rappers like living that life and Meenah was always going down that road.

“Kanaya said sorry for not making the party, Porrim's modeling in Belgium and they got like another week before they come back home.”  
“Don't worry about it i'm sure i’ll get her apology paragraph later” you say shooting back the rest of your drink.  
“Aren't you supposed to go up stage in abit Karkat?” You brother asks concerned  
“Do you see me slurring fuckwit?, im fine i just,.. I don't want to go up there”  
“Want me to walk you for support?”  
“I don't need you to fucking walk me up there like some sissy at her ballet recital that's too scared to go upstage...  
......Yes”

Nepeta laughs at the exchange as Kankri smiles and slings an arm around the younger shoulders. Walking to the stage he takes the time to talk to you, slowly to make sure you really hear him say how proud he is of you and how dad would be too if he'd been here right now. You tell him he's a shitty brother but he calls you a cunt right back and your seething, not because he called you a cunt but because know one will ever fucking believe you when you tweet this shit. 

He pats your shoulder and turns you around and you freeze, watching Roxy from backstage talk to the people that finally gathered to shut the fuck up and listen to her sweet Austin valley girl voice. Something that sounds horrible in theory but fucking angle in person. Your scared, your scared your going to ruin her career, she was doing just fine without your help and now your gonna flush her down the toilet, all because your fucked up face is what people are gonna picture when they listen to the music from now on. 

She looks to you as the crowd applause waiting for you to come out and say hi. She looks ecstatic, so pretty, you feel sick.

“Sorry guys- being a butt, he thinks he's gonna ruin my life” the audience laughs

“Ladies and gentlemen my best friend/other brother from another mother/and trusted lyricist!

You don't calm down but your feet start moving. Hey, look, their clapping. There's no hushed voices or scowls or boos, they generally seem thrilled. The paparazzi doesn't make you feel any better though, who knows what the fuck they're gonna bring out tomorrow-maybe something about how sick you look, fuck. You have no idea what Roxy is saying but she's gesturing to the screen behind her before heading over to stand by you as the lights dim. The projector starts up..

Blank Space

As the music video starts up you think back to the recording process. You smiled back to the memory of How Big the place was and how fucking thrilled you were getting the news that you were both staying for the week in a manner! even if the shitty weather delayed your process. You also recalled one of the dogs pissing on your shoe and the bouquet you took back home after just requesting a single flower. You also recall getting smashed on that really tall balcony as you pictured his face gong down o-

You snap out of it because your eyes meet his, well his shades at lest, and you keep contact for a straight minute. You feel... angry, like you want to smash his face in but for the most part your just really really sad. You don't hate him, not for what he thinks you mad for, your mad for the distance. Yet your also mad at yourself for the most part because your the one that caused this, maybe that's why your scared of failing Roxy because one heart break was enough to send you into rehab with your brother screaming at you for another close call in a hospital. You don't think you could take another fallout.

A mic is shoved at you which is probably the worst thing to happen right now because you feel like you'd tell the world everything, that's the weird thing about your anxiety. It make you move forward with impulse instead of freezing you in place. Thankfully your mouth decides to play it cool enough for you.

“ Uhh..” you look over to Roxy as she starts to whisper repeating to you what to say before you cut her off again. “ right yeah, uh. Thanks to those who made it out tonight, and...thanks for mingling with each other even though we all know how we fucking hate it” he relaxed as a few laughed slipped. “ and … I guess I wanna thank Roxy for letting me do the shit I do because as you can see the face isn't really made for tv” Once more the audience murmurs at the joke but seem to take to it pleasant enough. “While I will say this, I am nervous but, not for me. I- im nervous for the negativity that will most likely get pressed to Roxy for even working with a ghost writer or in general just whatever shit we know they're gonna spout tomorrow, but i'm proud of what I made and im proud with how she's able to portray everything i've written so perfectly so..” You pause once more as your eyes drop on Striders one last time. “With everybody here tonight, again I want to say thank you and enjoy the album when it drops next month”

~

It wasn't bad, people generally liked you-or thats what you told yourself now that you had a few shots. After the barrage of questions and one interview to air for tomorrow you filled yourself with a couple more drinks to celebrate, Roxy cleared the cameras off for the most part to let you have some time to yourself. Something you gladly appreciate cause now you can't embarrass yourself or worse, hook up with another poor guy to rip apart later. You take your last drink for the night but you spoke too soon because someone took a seat next to you.

“ So your a ghost writer and a comedian hu?” says a heavy accent.  
You look at his dark dress shirt and the tie undone around his neck sneering at the gold watch that probably cost more than a grand on his wrist, without thinking you repeat what he said but lay on the accent thicker than normal.

“Making fun of me already hu?, I came here with a good attitude but sure ill fuck off”  
“Oh please you should take it as a complement”  
“Making fun of the way I talk is nice small talk with the kids now? We really that young now?”  
You take a drink of your whisky as you both bask in the silence of the party that's dying down with couples leaving and press turning in for the night.   
“so “ He says again. “Besides the drop what brings you here?”  
“Honestly? Nothing but like, then something? My boyfriend went off somewhere-”  
“Whoa wait boyfriend?” He says a little guarded  
“Long story” you say pausing to scratch at your face “but like he ruined my life pretty much..”  
“Oh, that...sucks?”  
“I can't say anything to him it's like- hey your right there but I can't say anything to your face”  
“I guess I can relate.." he murmers off to the side.

You slump against the bar with your drink in hand leaning slightly into the strangers shoulder. Your in dangerous territory Karkat and the hand near yours isn't doing any favors.  
“What else is he like..?”  
“ He makes me so happy it pisses me off, but im scared im seeming too desperate with all my separation and abandonment issues so I can't talk to him or im just gonna blurt and it's gonna be awkward and, im a mess..I'm just.. I'm gonna go home and feed my cat- he's so fluffy”  
You feel him chuckle against your side and you decided to make another mistake as you look over to him, bleary eyed and unfocused as you try to pinpoint your vision on his curled blond hair.  
“Ill be alone tonight….Unless you wanna come along?”  
You feel him tense beside you he seemed unsure, it's like he wanted to flat out say no yet it was like he was thinking over the offer, maybe he knew about people you take home and wanted to avoid the trouble. You wouldn't blame him, in fact, your ok that he declined you 

but he touches your hand anyway.

“Sorry Karkles cheating is a new kinda fucked up”

What the fuck is he talking about?

Just as you were about to question him someone else entered the picture, oh was he taken? Fuck yourself big time.

“Uh...should I come back?” someone asks separating the bubble you guys were forming

“Nah its cool Dirk he's gotta feed his cat anyways” He removes himself from your arm and punches your shoulder softly “oh hey before I forget and head out Roxy said she wants me on a song, I was gonna talk about that but- yeah, uh...see ya later.” as he walks off you make out the older of the two tell him how much of a smooth operator he worked. This is on some next level shit of fucked up you think to yourself as your left stranded, and in some other case romantic but your not going to remember this in the morning. Thank god.


	3. Welcome To NewYork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave makes a surprise visit after learning Karkat rooms with his sister.
> 
> Karkats confused at his intentions

Your thankful for the penthouse not only for its luxuries but also because the noise below is never first to wake you. Your also thankful that your day off will be spent to chill, maybe go shopping later but for the most part stay the fuck asleep as long as possible. Your more grateful than usual per say since this week has been quite hellish with all the preparations for the album to drop in the next four-five weeks. There's still some editing, the tour date coming up and not to mention( and boy you really don't want to mention) another fucking hook you gotta pull outta your ass because Dave decides to name drop on her/your album. You turn around in bed trying to sleep but thoughts of your schedule and things left undone stir about in your head keep you look up to the small skylight in your ceiling.

You promised yourself your not gonna be an ass to him, that is unless he's gonna be an ass to you first then to the wind with whatever your past self says. You're thinking that's probably what's going to happen anyways. Hes gonna say something snarky and look down at you since he's so fucking tall compared to your five foot midget size. You'll see yourself in his shades and comment on them cause he always knows how you fucking hate them, and how you cant see his eyes because sometimes it's so hard to read him and the things he means. It'll probably just be play fighting but then it'll turn to real fighting then maybe someone would throw another punch again like that labor day when Roxy took you back home to maybe patch things up. 

And patch things up you sure did , your hand and his nose.

You scratch your leg trying to ignore the slight bulge your beginning to grow and finally get up from bed to waddle off to your bathroom. 

After starting the shower you hear the front door open and close, probably Roxy done at the studio, or maybe a break for a few hours whatever it is you need to tell her the snack run that needs to be done for movie night. After book club was a huge failure you decided on movie series every other Friday, You guys recently finished the hunger games and now your moving on to harry potter and she seemed pretty fucking ecstatic. Anyways movie tonight, snacks, couch, and fun. You head out of your room and down the steps to the kitchen and yell out to the ether for Roxy to answer. If she can appear from thin air then she can reply from the void.

“Hey Roxy snack run tonight at five! You gonna be done by then or are the jack wagons fucking us both over!”

“I sure hope no ones fucking her down there” Dave replies from the kitchen fridge “ those guys are like over forty and I can smell their cocks a mile away, Im not gay they're just that nasty.

“you stop on the last step taken aback from his presence as the cocksucker ravages through their sisters fridge”

“Nice commentary, where's your cat treats. I saw your cat and I wanna pet it but the goblin keeps hissing”

“What the fuck are you doing here”  
“Uh what the fuck are YOU doing here? I am the brother after all”  
“Uh I LIVE here too”  
“Uh well THAT'S gonna change”   
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!?”  
“Shhh daddy stop yelling your gonna wake the baby” dave replies back after finding the cat treats in a cupboard somewhere and starts shaking the bag and in a weird high gravely gollum voice starts chanting “waauuuhhh come heeeereeee preeeeeciousssss”   
“LEAVE MY DAMN CAT ALONE!”

“Uhhhh how about you shut up and go finish your shower and leave cat duties to me, also be ready in about five cause it looks like roxy wont be back for a few more hours and it looks like we're going shopping alone” the voice calls from the living room as your cat Rex screeches and darts from the room into your arms. Its so hard to catch him sometimes not only for his massive size but the fucking hair suffocating you to death. You cradle his butt as he hangs over your shoulder and give the best death glare you can manage to strider as he walks back into the room.

“Come-a-fucking-gain?”  
“How are you holding that bear of a cat? You look like a spy movie villain”  
“Answer my damn question”   
“Roxy was supposed to be done today and told me to come along shopping with you guys but I just got a text like then minutes ago saying she can't make it”  
“Then go home”  
“And miss shopping for you? oh hell no- I gotta see where you guys get all your nerd shit from, probably baby gap”

Your so tired you just woke up ready to start the day and you already want to put yourself into a self induced coma and never wake up just to get the fuck away, you want to die, die,die ,die,DIE.

“I'm going to take my shower, and your going home and that's the end of this discussion”  
You start making your way to your room holding onto you behemoth of a cat in order to calm the dipshit down from the other dipshits antics.

“But I wanna talk about the song!” SLAM

 

~

Stepping out of the steam shower you grab the towel closet to you and do your dry down routine starting with your hair, then your arms, legs, and back. You dab at your face as to not tug around your skin to much,despite the years of healing it looks so fragial your scared sometimes your lip will split. looking in the mirror you try to think of three good things about the way you look.

Bright side number one, you won't get many pimples on your face from the silvery skin- check  
Bright side number to..youuuuu get to makeup fun stories and do memes about how you got these scars..  
Bright side number three?....mnnn. 

Wrapping the towel around yourself you step out to your room only to be graciously gifted with the dipshit still present, and your not talking about rex this time.

“What part of go home does come to my room narrate?”  
“I wanted to see where you do all your affairs Mr. Heartbreaker”  
“Get out”  
“Why? you were so eager to jump me last time. These your songs here?” he says looking at the open notebook and pc left sleeping on the desk   
“Last time? When the hell have I ever shown interest in you since after my fucked up state?”  
“Ouch that hurts my feelings, but reminder of last week at the bar, you know while you dropped a bomb of all your relationship problems then continued to ask me to come home with you because you're sooo sad, also your batteries low" he says pointing to the flashing red light on the side.

he looks back over to you but you couldn't care any less because right now the world is falling there's water everywhere dripping around you filling your lungs your chest is tight and you want to fall apart, you want to beat the shit out of him and you want to cry in his lap and hug him close at the same time, your so sad it hurts.

“Hey scarface….chill it's cool get dressed and lets hang kay?” and without a fight you go over to your closet and shut the door behind you to change. This is gonna be a really long fucking day, you can feel it in your bones.

~  
After the ten minutes of calming down in the closet you finally pick out your clothes and decided to get on with your day. Simple, some dark torn jeans with a band tee and a sweatshirt around your waist for the ungodly amount of time you tend to freeze your ass off. You don't understand how you look like a nerd, none or less look like you shop at baby gap, fuck you wish that insult didn't actually make you insecure but you are now, fuck maybe you should change.

“You jacking off in there or what?”  
Rolling your eyes you walk out, whatever fuck what he thinks he's an idiot. “Just trying to prolong the inevitable.” you replay sarcastically and open your door to Rex who sat clawing at the door frame to be freed. “whatever get lost you fat fuck”

Dave follows you down the stairs continuing to spout about nonsense as you go about getting your wallet from the “Leave dish” which is a ceramic bowl full of important things to not leave without such as i.e your wallet, keys, spare change to pick from, condoms(debateable to who those belong to, whatever gotta be safe kids) and a bunch of other miscellaneous items.

Exiting the building you say goodbye to the doorman Chavez as Dave stops in place to question you. "where you going?”

“Um, shopping district?”  
“Parking lots over here”  
You look to him with a dumbfounded expression then, with no shame, laugh in his face before you continue on.  
“Yeah ok guess I should have seen that one coming”  
“Why are you even following me? Why the chummy behavior?”  
“You really want me to fuck off that badly?”  
“Really worked for us before”  
“Well new law enforced by the queen herself”  
Karkat snorts as he pulls out his phone.”Which ones that?”   
“The one that puts the most fear in us, ever since labor day BBQ of 2017 rose has continuously plagued my mind of the wrath she'll return with if were not ‘snogging it’ by the time christmas comes around, her words not mine” he says with a bit of spite while throwing his hands in his pockets.  
“Good luck on that conquest douchebag hope she teabags you after shooting you’re corpse”

Dave laughs at the imagery and presses the light for the crosswalk. It sucks how easily it is to fall back into conversation with him, he's funny, creative and pretty much never dull. Its a chore to still act like your mad at him. He’s also once again hard to read, just standing there wondering if he’s really still mad at you could take up a week to process but you both know no ones gonna bring that up so closing up shop is what your mind does.. Crossing the street after putting your phone back in your pocket you happen to think back to the conversation at the bar, remembering he was there to talk on good terms. Maybe he was but it could just as well have been bullshit since sincerity just isn't something Strider does half the time.

“So just how many songs do you got planned bigshot?”  
“Ten, but knowing your doing a song now it's gotta be twelve so thanks for that”  
“Why twelve, is it because of that weird thing you got for even numbers”  
“It's a fucking book Strider! originally split into two parts and i have to keep it even, NOW i need to figure out what rap bullshit your gonna spout so I can match it up with something in the end and gahhh fuck dammit your making me work!!”  
“You said it was a story, well my song is too”  
“Oh wonderful I can't wait to hear about your thug life and all the bitches your able to cream”  
“Ok then what the hell is your story about?”

 

He got you there, fuck you cant even think about the answer right now for the fear of being mind read.

“Ha, faggot” he says chuckling under his breath as he watches the small spaz attack on your face reeling back from the comment. “Chill, joke. Well I mean not a joke you do like dick but hey its cool a lot of people like dick half of earth is men and half of men like men so it's all equal out”  
“You pull those statistics out of your ass”  
“Nah, nah, never a receiver, you of all people know I care to much, or only would if you get those dicks outta ya ear”  
“God, fuck you, I hope the next slut you bang has chlamydia and it gets you on the news”

Finally making it to the downtown shopping district you find yourself gravitating closer to him as to not step on anyone else's toes, you tell yourself and him that's it's because you just wanna make sure you fuck up the kicks he paid five hundred for- which in your opinion, and anyone sensible enough knows, that's not worth it cause their goddamn shoes. street shoes at that. Looking off to the side you notice strangers taking photos as Dave continues to yack on about something that you were, spacing out too. That's when you punch his shoulder in order to get his attention.

“What?” He asks slightly annoyed that you made him stop talking “you get to yap away about your shit its my turn”  
“Pictures” you mutter to him in disgust  
“Oh no! your poor boyfriend is going to be so devastated” he says with a laugh  
“You fucking prick I don't have a boyfriend!” you whisper back to him with gritted teeth  
“wait , what about what you said at the-”  
“I was fucking drunk shut the fuckupidontwanttotalkabouthatnight!”

You march your way into the nearest store leaving him behind in a cloud of dust.

You can't even imagine the feelings going through his head, you can't even fathom his anger and confusion at the newly revealed information, nor the new puzzle you left at his feet like the fucking enigma you are. Lucky you he loves puzzles

~

Making your way back from your honestly enjoyable hang out, you find Roxy lounging on the couch using you cat as a blanket trying to read one of her latest issues of vouge with Porrim poseing on the front (you should probably text Kanaya soon)

Pushing through with bags of clothes and a baggie of snack for tonight's movie you click your tongue at her disapprovingly.

“Im sorry I was working!" she exclaimed lying through her teeth. But before you could retaliate she gives a shrill scream and leaps off the couch giving your cat an aneurysm and runs over to give Dave a huge hug.

“Omg HIII”  
“Hey Rox what's up gurl~”  
“Im great tha- wait ... -Did you guys have fun?!"  
“Surprisingly yeah thanks for bailing you fucking hick” you shout in reply as you start to put whatever candy bar you bought in the fridge for later tonight then proceed to take dinner down from the freezer to cook later”  
Roxy looks at you both in confusion “Bail? I didn't say I was going ow! wha- oh! Yeah sorry my boss is a smelly dick” you look back at Roxy smiling brightly at her brother you could swear you saw her eyes turn to stars.

“Saaaaaay Daaavvee wanna hang around for the movie-and dinner?”  
“Sounds amazing, especially if he's cooking! thank god someone could cook back then or else we would of died off mc dough, what do you say Karkat?”

They both stop smiling at each other to discover that you were now missing and wanted nothing to do with what either one of them was planing, nor did you want to spread any more time with him today.

As you crawl into your bed you try to think of everything you dealt with today and how you loved to hate every second of it as much as you want to deny it you still love him so much and that's such a dangerous game to play cause who knows where that's going to lead you this time. Nowhere good that's what.


	4. Disco Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat goes to destress but his friends with benefits is taking a leave.
> 
> all is for the best.

Oh no another club whatever will you do. Well just like the few days prior to this as you cried in bed- nothing good is what. Its good you have an excuse to go however. After getting a text from Feferi last friday that she's got a show tonight, with Dirk and a free backstage pass with your name on it no less, you dolled yourself up to forget about your stupid problems and maybe find yourself in some not so strangers arms for the night. Pulling on some black studded leggings with a french tuck tank you touched on some light eyeliner and boots before running out the door. And honestly? Your fucking loving it like you usually do. If you were to tell your past self how much you loved the smell of your sweat coming home from a night out covered in body glitter? you would have probably shot yourself, who knew a guy with self esteem issues would feel fantastic losing themselves in a crowded were everyone was too drunk to care would be therapy? Yeah neither did you. Melding yourself with the crowded only to get closer to Feferi and her preppy display as you watched Dirk played away on the soundboard in the booth, dunkenly thrash to the beats and her hypnotic voice- cheering her on as the lights clashed around you.

finishing up her last cue with a flip of her hair she catches you out of the corner of her eye and winks to you with a smile full of teeth.

“Alright fishies let's bring out an oldie but a goodie, just saw a face in the crowd I need to pay tribute too, karkuppy thanks for all your hard work love!” a few people around you who notice shook your frame with encouragement, feeling like a puddle as Disco Heaven started to blare up its starting sequence. and while you really rip into it at first you start to get dizzy and slow yourself around the hundreds of fans screaming along to the lyrics. This is amazing your thoughts seem to yell but your body, who knows what's best for you, starts to make your way over to the booth up the stairs near the back. Your too excited you need to breath and what better way to chill out then.

~  
“Yo, Kat” Dirk says with a decent smile across his face as he pull half of the headphones down to listen to you talk.  
“I gotta chill man im fucking thriving”  
“Yeah, no, go ahead take a seat ” he says gesturing to the couch in the back

You flop yourself down face first and groan into the arm. Kicking off your heels with a tumbled thud, you look over to Dirk turning away at the mix table as he keeps an eye on the light show and other set props, but nothing to much to overwhelm. As famous as Fef was this was a very small concert she made on a whim for who knows what reason. It's a part of her personality that's pretty enduring, another thing you oddly identify you don't see sollux anywhere in sight.

“Wheres Sollux? Isn't he the light guy?”  
“Something came up and he had to leave, small place so i'm not worried. I could do this with eyes closed.”  
“When you finish up?”  
“Uhhhh” he looks to the clock on his phone before setting it face down once more. “Say twenty mins?”  
“Sweet” You say before passing the fuck out despite the thuming boom of bass coming from the ground below.

 

~   
“Wakey wakey Karkle” you yawn in response to the tap on your nose chuckling slightly to the nerdlord blonde that sits in front of you with his weird pointy ass shades. “You should anime slick the hair again like you did in fifth grade, wanna start calling you Senpai-chan again”

He scrunches his face back in protest, he likes anime-no doubt you can still see it in his personality and from his posts on ifunny that he shares with Dave, not like your actively check it out but since you forgot to unfriend or block dave from your feed you still see the weird distorted bass memes, videos and occasional ironic furry porn to make fun of his brother every so often. It's nice to remember you still have blackmail for Dirk about his brother being a furry for a short time(secret he told you, love and war after all)

“No dude, im low key now, i mean i'll spill how great naruto is cause that shit’s dope but like i'm not gonna blow up in full gurren lagann/kill la kill gear”

“I mean, wouldn't mind”

“Id look pretty hot hu?” he says with a chuckle in response

You take one more look at him before closing your eyes, rearranging the image so easily in your head as you capture his lips with your own. He knows just what to do, remembered what you like, and what you'd like him to do (what you wished he would do.) So he touches your hip and pulls your face close to him, soft just as you asked, loving and sweet at first until you sit yourself up to pull him on top of you.

“Oh shit you want me bottoming? 

You answer his question by a bite to his neck trailing lips around his shoulder as you grab his ass with a firm grip. You don't want to think about what your doing you don't want to come to terms that this back asswards logic you created was ok. He knows what you're doing there's no real emotion between you guys besides an ok friendship in comparison to you and Roxy. But he's a real deal,he's the only one you trust to talk about Dave feelings and he helps you fuck it out when needed, because for some odd reason you feel more comfortable fucking people you know instead of pulling at complete strangers. But in all honesty it's worse if not played right.

“So what's new this time?”  
“He’s invading my life once more for god only knows what reason”  
“Think he misses you?”  
“Definitely I mean why else would he call me a faggot then terrorize my cat?”  
“Jesus fuck Dave” he mutters to himself and also as a silent apology on his behalf

You shuck his shirt to the front of the room and start working at his belt “I don't understand what he's thinking”  
“I don't think anyone really does or himself” You reply sternly in order to quit the conversation and close your eyes once more.

“Do you listen to his music?”  
“Fuck Dirk come on” you say giving up your efforts and look to him with frustration and a dash of desperation.  
“Yeah yeah your a good fuck too but you know I was on your guys side since day one dude, when our dad died and we came to live you with you? That shit was tight-speaking of ever consider your our brother in paper? Is that considered incest now? Is this incest Kat?”  
“Oh my GOD come on you know we never agreed with that ONCE!”  
“But like in retrospect would you gotta rearrange some shit if you ever marry in our family? or is it like as soon as you sign that shit like your biologically one of us?”  
“Who the fuck says i'm marrying in the family?!”  
“Oh so that's what you're focused on? not the fact that you'd turn into a little black boy before your eyes?, wouldn't you wanna say the N word karkat?”

Being thoroughly done with his bullshit you twist out from under him and go to grab your shit off the floor as he apologizes through a mouth full of laughter “come on that was the most in Dave conversation I ever had you cant even fucking deny, he would totally say that shit to you in bed”

“You killed my boner so bad I dont think im gonna sleep with you again”  
“Yeah well maybe you shouldn't”  
You turn back at him to see if he was joking but from the face he made he looked pretty sure of himself.  
“I mean it's cool and all but like..maybe you guys should” you see his frame start to submit.   
“Dirk you know that's not gonna happen”  
“So what im just supposed to keep playing house with you forever? Dude I wanna settle down sometime and it's kinda hard to do that shit if i gotta explain how i'm fucking someone else on the side because they can't fucking talk it out with each other! It's not fair man!”

And this was the worse you were talking about earlier, that sinking feeling when you finally have to come to terms with how fucked up you are yet again. He gives a sigh of relief like he's been waiting to say that for ages now but cared too much to bring you down from your high (cause lord knows you fucking needed it) and you dont blame him he's fucking awesome for putting up with you in the first place in all honesty he could of exploded max ten times worse and you would have taken it.

“You find someone else?”  
“....not...officially? But we, we've hung out a few times and i really do like him and-and I don't want this to be a problem if..”  
“No-man hey, i get it, I know- believe me. I know...dont think im mad or that im gonna kill myself or something im gonna be fine and..it was fun but like you said you wanna live and you've been so good for me im fucking thrilled you wana be happy for yourself”  
“Oh thank god” he says again with an even bigger sigh, it honestly feels a little insulting, like he was expecting you to ball your eyes out so you smack him a little on the shoulder and he smiles back at you rubbing the spot.  
You sit next to him once more and light a cigarette passing it back and forth as you talk about him for once and listen to this nerd ramble about this cute guy with glasses and the nice firm ass he wants to touch someday. And as you listen on you asked yourself why he brought up daves music..


	5. Interlude...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we take a look at Karkats childhood and the wonderful family he hails from.

This house might be bigger than yours but you don't like it nor intend to stay, even if they have a kitten that really likes you. You need to get back home to Kankri and make him some cereal but this lady won't shut up.

“Karkat are you ok darling?” she asks suddenly kneels to face you which makes you kinda uncomfortable for some reason. She notices this and set herself back away from you and you soften a bit more.

“You don't have to open up right away, id be pretty uncomfortable too if i had to stay somewhere else, just know you free to do whatever you like if you ask first”

“I need to go back home”

“Did you forget something at home honey?”

“I need to go wake Kankri up”

“Your such a great helper Karkat, your brother must really appreciate everything you do”

You feel proud of yourself and finally take the well earned praise because honestly it fucking sucks sometimes, you know that and so does Kankri but you try not to complain or he’ll get really sad again and not come out for a few days.

“Im happy your thinking about him but you won't have to worry about Kankri for awhile ok? He’s getting some help to feel better so he can take you home”

“Whos helping him?” you ask swinging your legs from one of the beds as you watch the lady put your clothes away in a wide closet that takes up a good portion of the wall.

“Do you think your brother is sad karkat?”  
“Yeah”  
“Well, there are people who are experts that know how to help sad people feel better”  
“How long would that be?”  
She thinks over the words in her head something she knows that you clearly don't and tries to figure out how to put it as gently as she can.

“Im not sure darling he could take a few weeks or a few months it all depends on him” she watches your face start to turn into something of sadness or anger.

Something she's used to seeing whenever new ones come along to her.

“But I know Kankri loves you very much and i'm sure he’s gonna try as hard as he can to get better so he can see you soon, I wouldn't be too worried. Besides in the meantime i'd love to take care of you. My daughters and I have been feeling a little lonely with the house being vacant and would love to spend some time with you”

After a few days you feel guilty for liking your time here, the kitten sleeps in bed with you sometimes when the room feels too big and you and kanaya have so much in common and seem to click the moment you started talking with each other. Porrim's nice too but the age difference kinda sets things back, but it doesnt mean shes not interesting in her own way. And Ms Maryam is amazing to get to know. You make sure you hang out with her as much as you can so she doesn't feel too lonely, so you helped her with the cooking and the laundry and read one of the many books that were provided for you to her before bed each night to impress her with your language skills. 

Sometimes she would tell you a secret and you’d listen with ease as she would mention how jealous kanaya was feeling because she felt left out and asked if you could make her feel better. So you’d hang out with her, playing house and learning to knit together. Making a mess of her closet to find out what colors go best with each other. (hers being jade and yours deep colors of red).

You felt weird as you’d look along the rows of dresses and shift your eyes down, ashamed for wanting to try some of them on until one day Kanaya asked you to try one of her older ones that don't fit anymore. It's like she read your mind too because you've been eyeballing that one for awhile now.

“I dont think thats a good idea”  
“Why not?” she asks confusingly  
“Cause boys can't wear dresses, its wrong”  
“Mom doesn't think so, Besides, you'd look admiring with the strips and neutral colors scheme”  
“Yeah well she's not my mom so why would that apply to me?” you look at your fingers still unsure of yourself till she grabs one of your hands and smiles at you

“Do you not think she’s your mom?” kanaya looks at you a little down ridden  
“I have a mom already,..I think, I don't remember but I already have one and she’s yours so I'm not gonna take her from you…”  
“But-she wants you too! I thought you want to be sister-brother?”

Karkat looks to her suddenly and hops up from the bed they were sitting on to look at her straight “oh corse! I wanna be your brother! That would be amazing! Ialwayswantedasistertoplaywith!” Kanaya laughs at his yelling and feels a little better with herself after her doubtful thinking but another question arises. “Your not stealing my mom-and my moms not stealing you but, she would miss you when you gotta go…”

You sit back on the bed next to kanaya and hug your knees close together “can I tell you something kan?-you gotta promise not to tell”  
“Sure, what?”  
“I-...I don't really wanna go home...even if he gets better..”  
“Does he hurt you?” she asks suddenly  
“No!..no just...im really tired of taking care of him-its really hard and even if he’s better im scared its gonna happen again..”  
“Is that why you don't like playing house?”  
“...yeah”

Kanaya thinks for abit leaving you both silent before she looks over to you and smiles again.   
“Then we don't have to play house anymore-we can maybe ask Porrim if we can paint with her?"  
“...that sounds cool” you say thinking over her words  
“Cool”


	6. Delicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave tries a secret date
> 
> things are discovered 
> 
> angst.

The weather's getting chiller in the mornings signifying that falls around the corner and your silently losing your shit. Call yourself a basic bitch because yes this is around the time you turn into your ultimate form which means sweaters, movies, candles, books, fucking Halloween party you always try to plan with Roxy and even she agrees this is your element. So as you both witness one of the trees in front of your building start to molt into its orange color you both look at each other and lose. your. Shit.

So as your both sitting in the living room grooming the cat you talk about the October list of movies your trying to put together as she talks about this years party she wants to host and what theme she wants to go by. You also make a mental list to get rex’s nails trimmed as he just cut your finger thinking your playing and started to yell at him till your phone’s ring starts to drown you out.

You answer without looking.

“Yeah hey”  
“Oh!..uh shit hi whats up” dave says on the other end clear not expecting you to pick up nor pick up so fast.

Your caught off guard and look to Roxy like a deer in headlights asking her quietly what to do,should you just say wrong number? Hang up? Then she yells.

“HI DAVE!”  
“Sup Rox”  
You wave her off and yell to him on the phone  
“Yeah what do you want?”  
“Uhh...do youuu want...we haven't talked about a song yet I was…”  
“I'm busy at the moment jack wagon so lets put this off until the next miracle chance we meet again-so never”  
“Oh fuck you I know you guys are “planning fall” Roxy's putting pinterest shit ON her facebook”  
You look over to roxy and give her a flat glare and she shrugs your shoulders in apology, you cant blame her, your pinning shit too.

“Yeah so you know that im busy-goodbye”  
“Let's get a drink-not a club but like a nice bar and talk”  
“You mean have a civil discussion thats work related and not claw each others eyes out? Your asking a lot from me Strider” you say holding your phone with your shoulder while you wrap a bandage around your finger coaxing rex that it's ok.  
“I mean,we can fight after if you want”

You hate that he heard you chuckle and you hate yourself more when he says he’ll come around soon and hang up before you can talk but most of all you hate the look Roxy’s giving you.

“Fuck you shut up i didn't agree”  
“Omg just hang ooouuuuttttt”  
“But I was fine doing just this! I don't wanna go out right now, i'm comfy!! LOOK AT MY COOL ASS SWEATER!!”  
Roxy laughs but helps you get up to relive society and crawl out of white bitch central cause as roxy quotes “Its not here yet but we got a head start”

You roll your eyes but head to your room anyways to get out of your pj mess of clothes and find something still comfy but stylish to go out in. You decide on a lighter sweater and some leggings as you look around for your white sneakers to complete your stylish yet street look.

You glace to your phone for the third time and decided you have abit to spare to cover your face, something that lessens your anxiety of going out seen like yourself. Sometimes it's just better this way to avoid conversation or weird looks-especially in a bar setting where people can become more of an asshole then normal. 

It takes about ten minutes to blend and seal your foundation and freshen your face to look more believable and maybe just a little eyeliner underneath to please the look. It's not like your doing it for him or whatever, it's just pleasing to the eye-and who knows, maybe you'll catch someone's eye there and join them in the mix. Leave him stranded for once. As you think this you hear Roxy call your name and you give yourself a few breaths before grabbing your jacket and heading down to great the douchebag. For work.

You see them hug and watch him listen to her catch up on what she’s done this week and start to intervene as he goes to grab for your cat.

“Leave that sack of shit alone, mom gave him to me-not you!”  
“Booo-...yo your face” he says dumbly pointing at you  
Roxy grabs rex from him and bites the inside of her cheek to stay out of it  
“Yeah what about it I covered it up-lets go before I change my mind and just deck you down the hall.” he doesn't say anymore besides a goodbye to roxy and a wave to your cat before following you out of the building.

“So we walking or you wanna grab a cab?”  
“Oh so you do drive”  
“No I walk twenty miles to work each day”  
“So that's your fitness secret”  
“Your a dumbass” you say rolling your eye, checking your phone as he goes to call cab which in your case especially isn't that hard around here. He opens the door and slides inside and you close the door while he gives the driver an address.

It's a nice cab so you settle into the seats and play on your phone to avoid any extra dialogue but for some reason he just doesn't want to shut up. He goes on about a party he went too last night then whatever he did today for the free time he had in his schedule then something on TMZ or a magazine he saw on a stand that it makes you lose your place of the crossword you were solving.

“So yeah? Sound good?”  
“Do I explicitly have to tell you im ignoring you beforehand or were you gonna figure it out soon enough” you as him looking from your phone as your catch the driver smirk from your response  
Dave sighs but doesn't accept defeat and decides to try once more, which is infuriating.

“I said Dirk’s gotta boyfriend, he was telling me about it recently”  
“The archeologist”  
“Yeah he- how do you know that?”  
“I hang out with him sometimes” you say deeming the conversation as not important and going back to your phone.  
“....” and to your relief he goes quiet for the rest of the ride till you both arrive to a nice street side bar he picked out and wait for him by the door as he pays for the ride. His mood has changed-you can tell by the way he sort of slams the door abit hard and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Second thinking this meeting strider?” You say pushing his buttons abit   
He gives you a look, his brows furrow under his shades and pushes his way past you inside to the bar.

He picked a nice place, it feels like a dive but well lit and “safer built” for middle class house moms who want to feel like their living on the edge without any “scary” consequences. You kinda laugh to yourself as you sit next to him as he decides to sit at the bar. Resting your feet on the bottom bar of the stool as your legs are too short and you don't want them to dangle. You see that Dave’s still pouting for some reason, maybe cause you were an asshole earlier so you decided to order your drinks as you both like the same thing.

The barista goes about pouring out some whiskey for you both and you look over to him with a sigh.

“Ok so what are your plans for a song- I can only imagine how easy this is gonna be, or how easy your gonna make it be so lets get started”

He taps his fingers along the edge of the bar and tries to decide if that's what he wants to do. Eventually he agrees and takes out his phone to pull up his notepad.

“So do you like pull up the mic and rap into your phone still or do you have a less embarrassing method to spill out you quote on quote kick ass genius?” you ask him sipping your whiskey  
“You know what? Just for that im gonna do that now” you roll your eyes but he stops you with another sentence “Unless you wanna just fuck work and talk about this later”

“Isn't this why you dragged me all the way out here?”  
“Well yes, but also no- i mean we can talk about work but in all reality i just need you to make a hook and i'll catch the rest like a one toss game of catch-”  
“So your just stealing a whole song spot on My album”  
“Oh so now your callin it your album” he says smirking behind his drink.  
“Shut up”

“Riddle me this batman, besides this album what songs have you all done for others? Or even better question why is it basic white girl songs? I thought you wanted to fuck wit the big boys?” he says laughing out the end

“Cause one it's easy as hell and it's the most listened to by the demographic and two it brings in money and to answer your question i never said I wanted to fuck with the big boys”

“Yeah,you always found dealing with women easier”  
“What's that supposed to mean?”  
“What? I'm just saying you get along better with women-its like you understand them better”  
“What can I say? Bitches love a sensitive guy”  
“Really?”  
“No you fucking dick maybe if you talk to them like their a real fucking person your wouldn't have trouble getting laid” you say downing the rest of your drink.  
“Hey- I don't have any problem getting my dick wet”  
“Neither do I”

“Having a fuck buddy doesn't count” you hear him mumble and your shoulders tense.

You both stall your conversation not knowing where to go from that and you order something just a little bit stronger just to get through the night, and judging by how Dave copies your order you think that what hes trying too.

It's about fifteen minutes until you start talking again and maybe you started it off wrong due to your now buzzed nature but whatever at this point you gotta tell yourself you don't care.

“Alright so yeah, you know that - i don't know how you know that but fuck you I don't care, wanna know who else I've done? Nepeta Feferi Eridan Dirk Gamzee again-”  
“Wait what?” he looks over to you angrily  
“Oh how fucking noble, fuck you what do you care? in fact those are just people's names I know god only fucking knows how many no-names I hooked up with- why do you think Dirk kept me in one place?” 

“...so yeah he was helping me out with shit- your brothers awesome dude..and im..im fucked up but i'm not fucked up enough to keep him from anyone so were done”  
He doesn't look at you exclusively but he glances at you gulping your drink time to time and you see him try to figure out what to say.

“His boyfriends got a dumbass cockney accent and i made fun of him in the first minute of meeting him..dirk was so pissed off but i. I missed it it was great i'm happy he’s wanting to settle down finally.. I knew before he said he was sleeping around and- don't be pissed at him, he didn't tell me i just saw one of your jackets leftover at his place..so i put two-and-two together. I didn't know he was helping ya with shit-sorry I brought it up”

You look to him in a sort of awe from the sincerity your both talking with, its seemed like ages since you've had a real feelings jam kinda talk.

“It's fine...sorry I was messing with him in the first place-that's probably not cool.”  
“I dont care now -but like...what are you gonna do now?” he looks over to you plays with the drink in his hand. You shrug in response and don't really know how to respond.

“Idk sleep around again maybe take a break stay in for awhile why the fuck are we still talking about this shit?” you say kinda embarrassed since its now dawning on you abit of what you guys are talking about

“...I could...maybe”

You both freeze and you look to him with the most dumbfounded face you couldn't even fathom to manage.

“Dave?”  
“Yes!” he says maybe a little too jumpy  
“....are you really this retarded or are you genuinely having a stroke right now? Do I need to take you somewhere-cause a much as I would love to have you drop dead at my feet I will not be held accountable for a murder that never happened.”  
“I ..uhh..”

God you gotta tell yourself no and fast cause right now everything is lining up too perfectly that it feels like its fake that this isn't real and you need to ground yourself fast so you don't start having an episode. But the drinks you've had are making you warm and this is starting to terrify you, especially when his hand leans over and traces a thumb over the top of your lip where one of the scares are hidden and-

“I-i can I don't want to i dont i im im”  
“Whoa whoa hey! Its cool Im sorry! Shit i'm sorry hey stay with me calm down” he says freaking out as you start to freak out not knowing what to do beside keeping his hands on your shoulders as he asks to pay for the tab and gathers your stuff to take you home

As you both wait outside for the cab to arrive you find yourself leaning against his side cross-holding onto your jacket grounded by the hand thats rubbing softly at your side a calming gesture by him and for once you crave the attention and you dont mind the closeness.

“I'm sorry..” you apologize and stop him before he can turn it down. “I..we...we just have a lot of shit thats not unpacked right now..i don't think i can dave..”  
“I..I know a lot about..things but i also know i mean...just its cool man just know we're cool and- i want things to be cool again”


	7. ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some drugs and elicit activities occur, things seems ok for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV is Karkats veiw unless stated otherwise! All POVs of Dave will have a title: Untitled Unmastered

You can't remember the last time you all hung out together. (minus rose not being present) It was probably labor day so you guess your kinda lying to yourself, maybe perhaps if the question was worded different- say, you can't remember the last time you all hung out without hostility polluting the air between you and Dave then you can say you have no fucking clue.

You sit on the floor with Rex in front of the couch while Roxy and Dave try to pick out some tunes to airdrop throughout the whole building, but after convincing Roxy it's a bad idea to hack through other people's devices you make her settle on putting all the sweet tunes on the bluetooth speakers you have set up around the penthouse.

Your thrown off by Dave's playlist consisting of a good majority of “This Moments Top 20” but shrug to yourself accepting the title for a good reason cause "This Moments Top 20" got it really boppin.

As Roxy starts to bust a move Rex becomes interested in her 60’s themed tassel pants and waddles his way out of your arms, giving Roxy only a fair warning before he’s able to take the first bat.

“Not so fast you fluffy babushka”   
“Why do you call him that?” Dirk chirps in from the kitchen holding the drinks for the group. Roxy then picks up the heavy artillery and cocks him like a gun.

“Cause this old fart has a total of 53 confirmed french kills!”

Dave doesn't hold the laughter and throws his head back, doing that weird thing where he holds his nose in order not to snort. It's done, he’s crying, this is what you get with a room full sibling who are heavy memer’s. you then proceed to yell at Roxy and wrestle your easily distressed cat back from her gun stance.

“This cat is on it’s last life Roxy dont fuck it over for him”  
“I cant fucking breathe my it hurts Holy Shit” Dave says snorting into his sleeve

Roxy takes the drinks from Dirk and passes one to Dave. You take the last one from Dirk, juggling your drink and the wildebeest's ass as he decides to lounge on your shoulder and give you a work out.

“Thanks man”  
“Yeah no problem, I actually started drinking this now after you made it that one time, fucking peach juice man who knew”  
“What’s this shit?” Dave says speaking up

“Orange and peach juice with vodka”  
“No apple? Come on”  
“Hey peaches are the lesbians apple- congrats Dave your a lesbian now”  
“Congratulations” Dirk says in replay and smirks at Dave's mocking puppet hand

 

You guys spend the next hour or so chilling on the floor, Rex abandoning the rowdy group of adults to go sleep in your bed upstairs as a means to force you into socializing. You would of been ok if it were anything normal but no, for some reason your in the middle of the room shouting at the top of your lungs as you all start to fight about the accuracy of spider man homecoming in comparison to the first spider man films with Toby Maguire and the second franchise with Andrew Garfield. 

It started with someone bringing up the new Venom movie and spotting the differences between Eddie Brock in Spider-man 3 and the Eddie Brock in Venom- then a random comment about how tall cranes can be and whether there was a crane scene in the movie. which there were TWO. then Roxy said Gwen Stacy wasn't in Spider-man 3 making you lose your absolute shit, ending in a screaming match between you and Dave trying to convince Roxy that YES! she was in the movie! she’s thinking of the amazing Spider-man 2 with Andrew Garfield "OH shut up!! You didn't even finish the first movie!!" she was right, you haven't scene the full movie but you cant give her the sanctification and continue to argue trying not to look stupid as you-

“Please, shut up, every fuck-shut up oh my god it was a fucking question! Why are you guys fucking nerds?!” Dirk finally says joining in the yelling

“I will pull up the video on Youtube I swear to GOD Roxy”

“I was trying to change the topic with cranes! Shut up!!”

Dave lets out an exhausted laugh and raises up his hands to silence the crowd

“Fuck it, hey let's go chill outside, Roxy? Cool Dirk, Kat? Come on kids, outside time, come on babies lets go” he continues to baby talk and escort everyone to the balcony along with Dirks help. 

As the cool autumn air hits you as you begin to relax and decided the petty argument was better left unsettled. Dave and Dirk talk back in forth about each-others private lives, seemingly a conversation that was forgotten earlier as they decided to pick it back up. and your left to watch Roxy as she observes Dave pulling something from his hoodie with a pack of rolling paper. Ah great- fucking amazing. You never had a problem with anyone smoking around you since rehab but the nostalgia creeping into your bones makes you sad as you think back to sitting around with these tards and sharing a bong or a blunt and it calls to you to feel happy again.

“You cool kat?”  
“Yeah i'm fine I got my drink and stuff”  
“Oh fuck” Dave says finally remember the reason why you've been away for a few months all those years ago.

“Sorry- I was just, you know how we all hung out and shit I thought- i'm sorry”  
“No its cool, I was literally thinking about the same thing- Ill be fine Dave”  
“Come on can we have just one pass around together? I mean you smoke cigs so this cant be any worse than that” Roxy says chiming into the discussion as she searches around for a lighter.

“Nigga you smoke smoke??”  
“Dude! What did I say about that”  
‘We. are. ALL. brown-What's so bad about you saying it let alone ME saying it?”  
“God no please don't get into this discussion again” Dirk says trying to defuse at least another hour long rant on both sides  
“You know my stance on the word”  
“The Word, just a word karkles you know I don't even mean it in the way your thinking i fucking called my pen a nigga today because I dropped like -twice in a row. its just a word”  
Dirk gives a shorty wheezy laugh as he turns his face away from both of you and you can help but laugh as well.

“Anyways to answer you question, not starting another hour long discussion tonight yeah, I smoke smoke- but not like everyday”

“Yeah it's like what once a month?” Roxy says joining back into the conversation as she has now found the lighter that was upstairs. “So it's cool, just one puff pass- or at least swap my spit bro, just ta buzz ya”

“I forgot how chadish you get when you light” Dave says taking the blunt from her lips to continue the circle. “Same rules?”

“God you still wanna do that?” you say thinking back to the old ass game you all would play back then when you light up 

“Uh yeah? Finally rose won't show me up with her bullshit philosophical questions- it's supposed to be a funny question rose! ROse!”  
“When does she get back?” you ask him as you watch him do a french inhale and push his shades up

“Fuck I don't know might need to ask kan that- i think she said around Christmas right?”  
“Yeah cause the parties at her place Halloween here, thanksgivings at moms, Christmas there- and fuck you for never having a holiday party”

“Um hey the Striders birthday is its own fucking hullabaloo”

“You get that vocab from Jake?” you ask as the blunt gets passed on to Dirk and you see his face light up just a smidgen.

“Such a linguist he sounds like a vampire who crams every slang word from over the centuries into one sentence and its hot and stupid!”

“God what does he sound like in bed? Must be fucking….something” Dave says with a laugh

You all continue to be loud outside, laughing at each other's jokes and stories till you all lose sight of time and see that it's too late to be fucking with driving at his hour let alone under the influence and decide on a sleepover. Roxy takes Dirk to help with finding every pillow in the place so they can sleep in a makeshift nest in the living room.

You don't judge, they don't get to spend enough time together as it is so you can sacrifice your pillows just for one night. You'll just use Rex-he's fat enough anyways and he doesn't mind sleeping on top of you all the time so it's only fair you settle a debt. As soon as you make up your mind to head inside yourself your stopped by Daves voice outta nowhere.

“Sooo wanna swap spit as Roxy says?”  
“You trying to start a fight Strider? Cause no I don't make out with your sister”  
“That's not-”  
“Anymore” you add with a smirk as you watch him jerk out of his skin in whiplash  
“Ok never mind let's talk about that!” he says laughing  
You laugh even harder at his enthusiastic reply.  
“2 down 2 to go Mr. Vantas, you gonna sodomize the whole Strider clan or what?”  
“She meant a smoke kiss dumbass”

Dave plays with the short end of the blunt and takes one last inhale before throwing it over the side of the building. You tisk at the antic but see him taping his lips to ask you if..oh wow.  
You already have a good buzz from the strong ass drink Dirk made so that's probably the first thing that hindered your choice but yeah. Yeah you want to.

You lean in and kiss him, forgetting at first that you didn't actually have to contact lips for a smoke kiss- but Dave works around it and kisses you back slowly, opening his mouth to you as you inhale the hit. You stare at his mouth feeling light headed as you are forgetting to exhale.

“Bro”  
You dragon it out and cough the rest of the way letting Dave laugh against your shoulder, again doing that stupid nose thing and you can help it now, everything is great and your happy and he feels so soft right now. You run your hands over the shaved portion of his hair and drag him over to your mouth once more.

You hope you didn't scare him with how overeager you began that kiss with, but right now- you don't know if your dreaming and you just want to take advantage of the opportunity your given in case you can't bring yourself to feel something like this again. 

You run your hands down the sides of his hoodie and grip is waist, deepening the kiss as you lick along the bottom of his lip when all of a sudden he slowly breaks the kiss. looking to you with a slightly nervous but totally enjoying it expression.

“um..Karkat-”  
“No...right uh..”

“No! I mean yeah! Not like.. Um look. I totally want to do this but i was thinking about the stuff you said before and I think..that we should try things again but like no backing away anymore- like none of that no homo shit from you- you know?”

“Dave shut up what are you talking about right now?”  
“I'm trying to say I should've dated you first instead of Terezi, I should of experimented with you instead of John I just didn't ...I don't know- what i'm trying to say is that, I realized how much I liked you now and-”  
“Dave hey-no”  
“No?”

Stuff is starting too materialize with you and you have to stop this for some reason.

“I just...I think we should not get tangled up in that crap..like I was doing fine wasn't I? We can just be fuck buddies it's ok”  
“...”

His faces does a few changes but then settles on a annoyed and confused.

“I ask to be your fuck buddy and you say that would make things complicated- then I try to ask you out romantically and you say that would be too complicated and we should be fuck buddies??? Dude what the fuck do you want from me? I can read your mind that's Rose’s shtick but if I could I dont think I could keep up with how much shit is going on in there!”

“I Don't Know what I want! but right now I want something from you, can that be enough right now?” you ask desperately

You both sit in silence for a sold minute and for a second you feel sober enough to crawl under a rock.

“I promise we'll talk about it later but right now I feel like this is just me trying to show you that I want you and ….that i'm scared to say it right now.”

He looks to you and for a second and you can see his eyes behind his shades look at you knowingly, it suddenly makes you a bit weak in your own skin as you try to look at anything but his face, with only a small glace to his lips before he holds your face and pulls you in. he has to lean a bit to capture your own but he seems to like the size difference between you. He wastes no time to make it count, parting your lips in an attempt to reclaim what you tried earlier. 

You grab his hips to help him pin you against the railing, letting out a small moan when he does, he applies abit more pressure to keep you in place when you feel his teeth at your lips and brings a small kiss on the scare to the left as well as the one on your nose. He then leaves open mouth kisses along the nap of your jaw and tangles his fingers around a few locks of hair as he tries to leave a mark of his own.

He's being too sweet you think, honestly you love it you want nothing more then to just melt in his arms and kiss long until morning like a cheesy romance movie but you cant handle that kind of thing right now. You don't think you deserve it right now. So you push your hands up and under his hoodie and brush along the sides of his ribs and give soft breathy moans in his ear.

“Kark-fuck”

You grind up into him and you feel him start to harden against your leg. Dave lays his head on your shoulder and you decided its ok to move this along- cause for some reason he’s so soft and it's making you feel shit that you don't want to feel. You kneel and start to nuzzle your face into his hip, he seems to understand and runs his fingers in your hair and turns it into a tight grip.

You think about the rest of the group back inside and start to second guess yourself. Your sure they’d give you enough privacy but you don't want them thinking about what could be happening out here as it starts to dawn on you how wrong the timing is, but the buzz in your head, and the tightness in your chest, makes you start to mouth at his length under his pants.

He seems to have the same idea and looks behind him a few times, your both out of view from the living-room and he seems to trust his siblings enough to leave you both alone for awhile but you don't want to make it too long least they come out to check on you and catch you both in the act.

“Hey im gonna make this quick”  
“Good luck, I dont blow easy” his say voice wavering  
“Sure” you say back unconvinced from his tough act.

You start to undo the laces and kiss along his stomach, looking up to his face when the nervousness starts to melt away. It gives you a more confident stance at where you are and you decided to move yourself along to not keep him waiting. You pull him from his pants and your a little intimidated from the size every-time (yes if you grew up with him you're bound to see each others junk at some point) but the intimidation starts to stall as you move your hand along his length and hear the little noises he makes to encourage you.

He does something that startles you, pulling your face flushed against the side of his dick, almost triggering you a flashback. but the gruff voice from him keeps you tame and you do as your told, starting your tongue along the side and wrapping your lips along the head.

He’s petting your hair, coaxing you to take more and it makes you excited. You feel light and airy and your giddiness makes you want to help and please him more. You don't know if its from the booze or the weed you just had but you have a strong guess its just giving him satisfaction. but at the same time your scared it'll end so soon, and your scared about leaving in one of your moods. Your terrified he’s gonna wanna just keep it at this-

He thrusts into your mouth and you choke just slightly as the head prods the back of your throat for a few seconds. You hold his hips and signal him to keep thrusting, rubbing small circles on his sides to make him shaking in his movements and you float for a bit on the mutterings from his lust struck voice. 

You can't understand what he’s saying but you can see him starting to edge close to finish as he guides your mouth faster by gripping your hair a little tighter and holds tight to the railing to help steady his thrusts.

“Hey-hey im gonna -please” he says little on edge of gasping

You moan in agreement around his cock and brace yourself as he starts to cum, biting his lips to keep any noise in. In the afterglow he pets your hair smoothing the parts he’s pulled and starts to put himself in his pants. You wipe your mouth on the sleeve of your shirt and watch as he sits next to you panting only slightly.

He rubs the back of his neck and looks to the wall the same as your currently doing.  
“Um.. thanks..ss good”  
“Heh, nice to know im just good”  
“No! I mean it was fucking awesome! Like holy shit that was tight as shit-”

You chuckle slightly and lay your head on his shoulder nuzzling your mouth into his neck to show a little bit of the light affection he tried to show you the whole night.

“Do...you wanna talk about it now? Er...like..”  
“Dave”  
“Right sorry its ok..”  
“...”  
“...lest your using my name that's a good sign”

You smile into his neck and mumble an apology that wasn't heard, hoping that would clear your conscious just a little bit. But what really does is the way Dave slings his arm around your waist and just kinda holds you comfortingly, the way he used to whenever you’d chill on the couch and that somehow feels like the best thing he could have ever done in that moment.


	8. Sweet Mary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and Kanaya go out for coffee to talk about their issues

“It's just coffee you don't have to upstage anybody here”  
“Isn't that the sole reason of upstaging?”  
“Maryam?” a voice calls from the counter and Kanaya gives a smirkish-grin before flipping her skirt over an inch as she moved from her seat to grab your coffee and tea.

You were ecstatic to learn of kanaya’s return from Europe, a phone call was made upon impact to the states with a promise of coffee only a day later. A month has been too long and a depressing one to boot. When you were young you were always embarrassed to reveal how much you miss her when she leaves, afraid you’d seem too babyish spilling how you felt, but over the years you couldn't care less who saw you crying into her skirt if you stubbed a toe. You guys just fucking click.

While growing up together in the house, being two years older then you made her take on the big sister roll just fine considering you were the only one there to baby at the time and Porrim was a little too frightening for you to manage. That didn't stop her watching you both run around the back yard or get you guys out of trouble when she’d catch you guys going through mom's closet to play dress up. 

And after all theses years your so glad their still in your life.

“ house blend one third french vanilla cream-a pump of chocolate syrup -oh, and whip because I missed you”  
“Bitch, I missed you too” you stutter as you take the coffee from her hand forever grateful for taking your complicated order whenever you went out.  
“It's not as complicated as you think”  
“Well they always ask me, OH do you mean Latte? And I have to correct them and then I get nervous and- it's a mess kan.” She sits next to you and crosses her ankles taking the lid off from her tea to idly stir and blow.

You sit in silence for a moment, her face smilingly knowingly as her eyebrows start up with no mercy.

“What?! Jesus what!”  
“I'm so proud of you is what! Your having an album published!” god yeah you forget that's what your doing still.  
“I'm not singing nor playing anything so no it's not really my album” You say gruffly into your coffee feeling a sudden weighted glare next to you. As you look over you notice her stern face and know a lecture is about to happen.

“Roxy has clarified to multiple media posts and interviews that this is very much your album more so then it is hers quote “might as well say ft me next to each song” ..why don't you think so?”

“It's-...scary. I feel like i'm being set up and..i'm scared of what their gonna say about me-about her. I don't want to give bad press to her image”

“Not to interrupt you but i'm afraid that won't be an issue, I think we both know Roxy enough to know nothings gets in her way especially if she goes to praise someone”

You grab her fingers to rub your thumb over the 3-d design on her nails, a white rose settles along her ring finger and you feel at ease as you feel the gloss of jade along her others. They are always so pretty and neat, you should ask her to come along next time to get yours done as well and you shake your foot in thought

“Remember that time Porrim took us all out to get our nails done in junior high? A-and Dave spelled fuck you across the nails but like- he added another u on his pinky so he didn't leave it out?”

“You mean the technicolor nightmare that were his hands for weeks? It haunts me still”  
“And mom just laughed and called him creative!! I was livid! not even a fucking look or word!” You both laugh in unison.

As the giggles subsided she looks to you once more, somehow she seems to know everything your thinking. Its like you wear a sign on you at all times, that or she has some secret vampire mind reading powers and always knows the perfect time when to talk about something. Even if you don't want to talk about it it’s just easier with her.

“Do we still hate him?”  
“I don't know...do you? I mean that sounds like a me question but like-”  
“Karkat”  
“I don't know!, I mean yes?? But it's confusing its like some kinda fucked up reach around happening every ten minutes we hate each other, we joke and laugh, someone gets punched were brothers again, we insult each other, flirting??????? He makes me want to blow my brains out or-or cry, like….really hard?” you look to her expecting the answer to all your problems but she gives the same empathetic coaxing look to make you spill even more.

“I..I don't know what I want from him anymore, he’s trying to make things right but I don't know what he technically did wrong in the first place. I was just mad and i made it seem like everything was his fault..and, I thought I was moving on and he just comes back and I don't know how to deal with it.” Your coffee is cold but you drink it anyway to stop the flood coming out of your mouth, god it's been a hot minute since your last mental break down hasn't it?

“I heard you guys were getting close again”  
“I guess you can say it like that”  
“Again it's just, hard to tell him I want to fix things but he’s telling me the same thing and he's trying to portray what he’s feeling but my stupid ass brain is fucking everything up, let's start over-no let's stay friends-no lets just be fuck buddies”

“Wait what?” she asked puzzledly and you would think so since this would be news you probably should have told her a while ago.

“When..when I was uh...we all kinda got back together and smoked outside-”  
“Karkat!”   
“Just once I haven't smoked since after that!”  
“Fine whatever what happened?” she asked obviously still worried about learning of your fall from the wagon.

“Idk, I cant -..he kissed me and I initiated further and he stopped me to ask what I wanted, I told him I dont wanna talk about that right now but he didn't want to take that so..”

“So what?”  
“Why are you so on your seat about this- your gonna tell this shit to rose later aren't you!”  
“Hey I love you just tell your big sister what happened”

“Jesus! I sucked him off! I said I don't know what I want but right now I just want this!, thanks for making me share that you fucking baby” you shouted pushing her back in her seat and alerting the other patrons in the shop. Thank god they just mind their own damn business around here.

“Um...oh boy..uh wow...I don't know what to say to that karkat”  
“Yeah I fucked up i know nothing good is coming from this-”  
“No! No..it's more...this is how you do things how You really do things seriously and , I think that Dave knows you well enough that he’ll understand your just trying to wrap your head around “finding out shit” she says in quotations as would rose, honestly the way she steals her wifes quirks is adorable. 

 

“I'm so tired of being angry all the time i'm so sick of myself that even I want to leave me”

It kills you to say this stuff to her sometimes because you see how hurt she is when you say things like this, it feel burden-full to dump this on her but you know if you try to apologize she would most likely cry more than you and god should strike anyone dead that would make her cry.

“Sometimes you need to learn how to breath before you can open your eyes”  
“Rose teach you that or something?” You say chuckling to bring back the lightened mood and she smiles back with a nod. “Such a beautiful mind my wife”

“She's pretty good yeah

“......can you do something for me karkat?” she says sheepishly  
“Of course ,what?”  
“Keep seeing him, keep talking and keep being his friend. Even if you don't know what you want don't be an asshole at the same time and accidentally string him along. Let him know your there for him and i'm sure he will for you”

“...jeez,ok...uh..yeah no-” you say taken aback at her words but she seemed genuine to a point it scared you into acting  
“...No problem”


	9. Interlude 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we see Karkat throwing tantrums and nervous as hell

You remember the first time they moved in, you were ten and finally content with the fact that you were staying here and here for good by court order, you appreciate your brother not fighting the fact that that's probably the best thing to come from this mess as he watched you finally acting like the kid you should be. 

You were cleaning your always empty, room for mom knows what reason and it kinda pisses you off,( cause its Your room) but judging from the clothes on your floor and the books not placed nicely on your shelf you could understand a space cleaning was needed. That was until Porrim waltz into your room unannounced to give an announcement.

“Ready for a few new sibs kid?” she says checking herself in your mirror fixing her false lashes that started to droop off,you you roll your eyes and continue to toss sweater after sweater into the laundry hamper.

“Why bother? Their probably just gonna get relocated within the week”  
“Better start bothering cause they ain't moving, moms getting papers signed over after a few court checkups”  
“You shiting me!?” you exclaim and she laughs at the sheer volume that comes from such a tiny body.

“I aint shitting nobody kid, their gonna be here in an hour-moms in the kitchen if you wanna talk” she says with a teasing tone as you dart past her on that exact way.

You remember the heated discussion you tried to initiate with your mom but with her calming voice it was pretty hard to call it an argument, especially since she was rolling out the top portion of crust to lace around the edging of an apple pie. Yep it's official your getting a new kid.

“I just wish you told me!”  
“Not to sound negative honey but i did discuss this with you on a few separate occasions”  
“You said you were doing therapy work!”  
“That's correct, was doing therapy work” she replies sweetfully  
“So how come they stay here if your just talking to them?”

“Well-” she says pausing her pie to talk to him solely “as you know i'm not an occupational therapist or a psychiatrist but I do talk to them to know what they need-and if they need to move away they get to have a few sessions with me to warm up and help the stress of moving.”

You put your cheek in your hand as you sway your legs from the tall stool your sitting on. She goes back to working on the pie so you can pounder your next question.

“You may not remember but when you were small I got to play with you and your brother at least three times before you came home to me, you introduced me to Kankri and would always take the books from the shelf because you said your brother liked it when you would read to him, and-” she pauses to laugh “you said you could read much bigger book but this would have to do”

“That court place?   
“Well almost, they go hand in hand with the court sometimes its a government division in Human services that deals with child custody and family services such as foster care, but yeah that's where we all met.

“What happened to them?”  
“I cant share that darling i'm sorry, and don't ask them that it's rude ok?”  
“Fine” he says huffing under his breath  
“If you want to know something about them however they like those Japanese cartoons you watch sometimes and basketball..they also seem to think their “pretty cool dudes” so I wouldn't be worried at making friends” she says finally looking over to you after putting the pie into the oven.

“Thanks mom”  
“Your room all done?”  
“Yeah!” you say jumping from your seat  
“Why don't you go over to the Egberts and let John know we’ll be having company

You roll your eyes and gruff something under your breath. Mom is always trying to get you to hang out with the neighbor kid but you just find him so annoying, he has stupid jokes and huge ass glasses that makes him a nerd. He also thinks your mean but doesn't seem to give up trying to hang out with you for some reason, and god only knows his dad's gonna be baking something as well. 

At least you can both agree your sick of sweets by now.

“Do I have too?”  
“Karkat it's good to have more friends in your life, maybe you may not like him right now but maybe you will later” she's washing her hands and cleaning up by now. But she can tell your not taking her bait

“Or if you hate him even more later on in life you'll have some pretty sweet blackmail from when you were kids”  
“Mom!” you say with shock but she laughs it off anyway shooing you out to the front yard.

His house has a bunch of weird shit in it, it kinda makes you feel uncomfortable, another thing you guys can agree on. The harlequin glass faces reflect under the house lights brightly and the paintings stare at you in a sort of depressed menacing smiles to where your actually kinda glad he finds you in the hall and calls you too his room.

“Dude I found out how to do this cool card trick from my dad wanna see?”  
“Dude If I have to see anymore of your magic tricks im gonna barf”  
“Oh come on it's gonna be quick, and its pretty cool! So come on!” he starts to beg and you agree feeling bad for this dork with big ass glasses.

“Fine but i'm gonna count to sixty in my head”

He furrowed his eyebrows at you in annoyance but hurries to go through with his little stage act, you watch him shuffle the cards carefully arranging the things in his place for the tricks then finally asks you to “pick a card any card!” you do.

“Now don't let me look!” he says trying to look at your card. Wow what a god

He looks like he's counting in his head as he then starts to count the cards and pulls one from his deck proudly.

“Is this you card?”  
“I want to kill myself”  
“Aww dude what?” he looks to you a bit worriedly.

“I know it's fucking math you derp I saw you counting!”  
“A magician never reveals his secrets!” he says with a laughing tone.

You move over to go sit at his computer desk and start to swivel around in his chair.  
“Were getting new kids”  
“Like week kids or stay kids? Ooh stay kids!? Awesome! Why didn't you just tell me?”  
“Cause your a dork who wanted to choose magic over my intellectual knowledge” you say with a snarky tone.

He disregards your attitude knowing that's just you and starts to pummel you with questions “what's their names?, what do they like? What do they look like? Why are they living here?”  
“Chill out egderp, I don't know”  
“You said you have superior intellectual knowledge” a smirk grows across his face.  
“Mom doesn't tell me anything, I have to make friends with em first. Only hints she gave me were they like anime and basketball, their also dirtbag narcissists that call themselves cool kids”

“Nice, do you think they watch dragon ball?”  
“I dont fucking care” you cross your arms and look at the window, they should be coming over pretty soon and your nervous, your nervous to share a room and nervous to socialize with “new siblings”. “They sound like douchebag assholes”

“Cant be that hard to get along with them, your pretty cool” that kinda threw you off guard, cause in all honesty your not cool, and its kinda sad that he cant see that. He's too fucking nice for his own good and it pisses you off. But it also makes you feel better knowing there are people like him.

“Thanks, but no. I'm kinda in the same boat as you, why do you think I don't go to the same school as you?”

“Doesn't make you stupid. You went through stuff, and that's ok! Maybe later you can and we can hang out in class together” you roll your eyes but it does sound kinda nice to have school together or actually leave the house for awhile.

“Or i'll find better friends”  
“Or youll find better friends, sure, dick”

You laugh hard at that, hearing him swear is honestly the best thing ever because it doesn't sound natural. Maybe that's why you stick around so often, He has his moments.   
After about a half hour more of dicking around you notice a car pull up to the house and your throat starts to dry. And his dad calls you both down to go great the new comers.

John hops down from his bed filled with magic cards (card game not magician cards) and starts to hurry you along out of his room. Saying “no time to be nervous now, they're here!” you pull your hand back from him and growl until he apologizes but runs down without you. It feels like a fever dream, you feel sick to your stomach like your gonna mess something up. And really your not so far from the truth.


	10. Untitled Unmastered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we get alittle something from Dave's Pov and alittle more subtle background. Karkat comes around and now there really getting better.

You have a lot of shit going on through your head right now but for some reason Karkat just comes right back into each new cycle. Its brought you to the point of bringing the holy grail down from its place of worship for some brotherly inspiration and guidance. This new album isn't as fucking rockin as it should be- your lagging which caused you to procrastinate and help Roxy in the first place. Your shit needed to get fixed cause you can't have every song be about him, not again. That was until you found out it was really their album and you saw them at that party. No more stories- you promised yourself this after your second album. Too many questions, too many nosy memories and things left unfinished. But when isn't rap a story? This is where the conflict happens. Temptation of shouting out shit to the world starts to get too much that you maybe should considered therapist like Rose suggested, but like hell your wanting to stoop so low.

Looking over the worn leather binder you remember when your Bro first beheld its rhythmic gaze upon your trusted eyes-he said “big shits gonna happen to you one day little man- so you better respect its wishes for this is (and still is) the holy grail of rappers”. Nas, J.cole, Eminem, Wu-tang , and your fave overlord snoop D-O double G. while looking through the dust covered copies you also remembered the first time you showed these to karkat, and the way you yelled at him when he turned his nose at the holy scribes of ancient times. So ungrateful.

God! See there you go again thinking of him- and when you were deep in thought of another memory, it's like a weird fungus that's not to horrible. like when a tiny part of mold on a sneaks onto a slice of toast that you eat anyway. Fuck an A you can't even enjoy Nas to its fullest with all this stress. Who knew getting your dick sucked would cause so many problems. 

You thought on at least two separate occasions on how to contact him, or if you should contact him entirely. He made it pretty clear he just wanted you for a quick fuck that night but honestly? Who knows what he wants from you now. It's not like you hated it, at this point now you’ll take anything he’ll give, call you desperate but yeah, sure, your desperate.

You still havent talked about that thing to Dirk yet, maybe you shouldn't but your still a little pissed about it since it feels like a pretty big thing you should talk about- but you know in the back of your head it really doesn't matter in the end, especially if he was trying to keep them outta trouble. Besides you weren't there despite your feelings which you never really vocalized but at this point it just felt like common knowledge to everyone in your family and friend group that you totally wanna like settle and do real couple shit with him even if you still wanted to rage with your teenage angst bullshit that should've been dealt with years ago.

You should probably take that back, it's not really Simple angsty teenage bullshit, it's totally yeah our lives would have been different if you haven't crashed that damn car while fighting about your hypocrisy bullshit. And Jesus tits you weren't even trying to make any moves on Egbert! It just looked bad cause your upstairs in someone's bedroom- during a party…- while under the influence... Ok maybe you were gonna go in for a kiss just to see what it was like, and maybe yeah you were conflicted about Karkat at same time cause you lived together and he felt like a brother but like a brother you would totally make out in a car with-WHICH you totally gonna do that night before you crash your fucking dumbass piece of shit no good fucking ass car! before that fateful crash. God you could still here him being a huge bitch about the whole party things cause “You KNEW I liked you!”... God you really can't really blame him, this shits fucked big time. 

And god only knows how he felt that whole time unconscious, pinned against the dashboard with that glass lodged in his face- its almost funny how drastically things changed from i wanna try to tell you how I feel to please wake up please don't die. You deserved that broken arm and Kankri screaming at you to get fucked and such cause you do really wish it was you instead sometimes- maybe things would have ended better if you had the fucked face.

Then there's Gamzee- and you can take full responsibility for that. You decked that motherfucker once and you'd go back in time to fuck him up again. But you dont think a hundred punches to the face could ever amount to anything then what Karkat Karkat pretty much did. it's fucking beautiful that even in the most fucked up times he could just straight up claw a fuckers face out- your pretty sure he still has the scar to this day, not gonna look him up tho unless you really wanna start punching some things so for right now you sit...

You debate turning the lights off to try and waver this headache your groovin until you hear a knock at the door. Oh yeah the ‘Za. You forgot you ordered shit like an hour ago- good timing. You hop over the back of the couch and make your way over to the door money and tip in hand. But when you open up karkats in your vision holding a movie at his side wearing holyshit hell yeah sweater session.

“Oh...sup?” you say trying to pull it out smooth  
“H-hey..um..you busy?”  
“Not really…”  
“...I had coffee the other day with Kanaya and...she thinks I should um, come over and hang out with you”

Oh Kanaya, dear lady lord thank you.

“Did you want to hang out?” you ask a little skeptical  
“No!- i mean YES! I just uh..I didn't know if I should of called or just drop by unexpectedly, are we not back on that level yet or-”  
“Nah dude you're totally always on that level dont sweat” you smile leaning into the door frame.

“...I bought a movie..uh or we can do something else I didn't know what… you wanted to do”  
“That actually sounds great actually, i'm waitin on a pizza so shits legit come on in” you move out of the way for him and he walks in to look at your place with abit of disdain.

“Yeah i'm rich try to sue me, I dare ya” he softens from the response and chuckles under his breath, setting the movie on the cluttered coffee table you never clean off. You join soon after, closing the door and talk small talk things while you get the movie ready for the both of you.

This is going oddly well, it's nice- it still feels a little timid, nothing like when you used to room together calling each other sluts as you throw popcorn at the screen at a stupid scene. You wanna get somewhere like that tonight, maybe he’s stressed. Maybe if you act more natural around him he’ll follow suit cause if your honest you're putting up those cool kid walls a little high right now.

“So what did you bring to the party loser?” he twitches at your response confused for a second as you lay on the couch leaving him the remote to control the sound and turn on the subtitles cause he apparently has old man ears but also the ears of a startled baby? your not worried. They never bothered you anyway.

“Oh movie?, some dumb comedy I know you'll like cause it's terrible” he says with a better couch slouch position.  
“Sounds like me- lemme guess, it's Halloween themed? Cause your on your sporadic white bitch fall cycle” a little harsh but he laughed at it so that's a good sign and your right! It's scary movie 2, honestly your favorite, the stoner and butler with the fucked hand makes you cry every time. Perfect cinema 20/10.

“Fuck you know me so well you funky little music maker”

A while later your sitting though the movie that's halfway through with your pizza and a couple beers to wash it down, making fun of the way Karkat has to take each sip with a disgruntled noise as you steal the few pieces of pepperoni he left on his plate, in exchange of your stuffed crust of course like always. Full on grease and beer you slouched back into the couch and fall into bliss as he decides to lay on your arm. You provide the comfort back and wrap it around his waist so he's more laying on your chest then the uncomfortable bony arm.

And its chill because his hair tickles your neck and you get to feel him shake every time he laughs, he's also really fucking cold which gives you more motivation to warm that bitch up with the blanket on the back of the couch. Snuggie snuggie bitch, god you love him.

“Hey...so maybe a bad time to bring it up now but I wanna talk while im feeling good”  
“No shit? Go ahead”  
He doesn't look at you but your ok with that cause you know how he is and just continue to keep holding on to him, lest he tries to get up and run away.

“I don't want to seem like im leading you on, by how confusing I am.. I have intentions with you I just..don't know how to share them accurately”  
“...same” wow smooth Dave.  
“...i'm still trying to get over a bunch of shit and sometimes it's not the healthiest and sometimes it's not about you but ill still mouthy at you indirectly and yell, or im distant or ill just want to take something from you so I can feel like im grounded and it's a mess...”  
“...is that what the balcony was then?”   
“Yeah, and I shouldn't have done that and, i'm sorry I did that to you-”

“Whoa it's not like you did it against my will, It was Lit..I was..just worried how you were doing cause of the ..whole ...Gamzee thing..if it makes things any better, i'm really happy doing this with you right now, it's nostalgic and honestly I really needed this today cause I was just thinking of too much shit but what i'm really trying to say is that whatever you decide to do i'll go with the flow and ill just...you know, be there and stuff”

“True poet” he says with a chuckle   
“Master poet”

“...but yeah.. What I think is you have an affect on me- and i dont think your intentionally trying to string me along, I know your working with a lot on your thinkpan.”

“And if i want to sleep with you?”

“.....” a lump gets caught in your throat but you force yourself to talk so it doesn't seem like your stalling.

“I wont think your a thot and id pretty much treat ya like a princess” you say with a nervous laugh.

Your sure that's the right answer because you see his blush light up along with his crabby demeanor and it makes you a little giddy if you're not gonna lie.

“Do...you want to-”  
“No”

He seems to realized he said this too quickly and tries to fix his comment.

“Not saying i don't want to! I ...I mean i'm not desperate I- uh i'm just thinking ahead is all. I don't want everyone looking at us thinking they were right and this was bound to happen or, think that im pushing you or that i'm going to fast-”

“Well what do you think your doing?, do you think your going to fast? Do you think your a slut or that your gonna mess me up?”

“...kinda?”

You fix your glasses and run your fingers through your curls trying to figure out your next words carefully, you don't want to say the wrong thing lest this ends up in another screaming match or happen to fall upon something you don't have to get into.

“Well. your not gonna mess me up. I feel like we are in a place were we already did that and were just fixing it-and that's good! As for everything else…. I mean who cares if others think your rushing things, we knew each other for how long and things just fall into place and I don't care how many people you slept with before or Who you slept with cause i mean, those are your choices- am. Am I doing this right?” you look over to him finally during the middle of your lecture and you see him awe stuck.

“...surprisingly well, which you normally don't do so this is new to me” he says smiling which lightens the stress in your chest, helping you lax against the couch once more.

After awhile you ask to see if he fell asleep since there was period of silence.

“Can I kiss you right now or are you sleeping?” you hear the laugh through his nose in a small breathy giggle and he turns his head up towards you. You take that as a yes and you lean down to capture his lips with your own, taking your glasses off to set them on the table once he starts   
hugging you closer to his frame.

He makes such cute noises and it makes you sad that you guys didn't do this sooner, that you both were more preoccupied on throwing hands or spitting at one another like mangy dogs in a lit dumpster heap when you could of been macking on each-other like this.

He pulls away with a intake of breath against your neck as he says your name and you down to him and scream internally from his cute worried little face-wait shit worried? Oh he was saying your name to ask you something.

“Did you wanna stop?” you ask noticing how you casually moved him under you, sometimes your so fucking smooth you forget yourself.  
“Uh..well actually I was wondering you wanted to keep going?”

Yes. hell yes. Hell fucking yes. 

“Lemme know if I'm doing something wrong” you say leaning back down to kiss him long after the movie was over.


End file.
